Denmark is where I live. But I think it will never be home.
It was a normal enough Copenhagen situation; that’s what makes it frustrating. I was introduced to some friends of my partner’s in Copenhagen yesterday evening. Two of them persisted in speaking Danish conscious that I did not understand what they were saying, and the third – rather than politely enquiring about anything – proceeded to lambast me in English for not speaking Danish, asking me why I was not spending my whole summer going to an intensive course to make sure that I learn.
The problem, I have come to see, is that I actually do not want to learn the language, because actually I do not want to be in Denmark. Actually, taking that to its logical conclusion, I am actually not really in Denmark now. Denmark is just the place I live. The county where I have healthcare cover and a mobile phone contract. But all my work, all my friends, the vast majority of my purpose in life, are elsewhere.
In essence the guy lambasting me about language was right – to manage to really be at home in Denmark, the language is vital. It’s central. That’s correct, fair and justifiable. But with the language critique comes this kind of edge of incredulity – why would I ever not want to integrate in Copenhagen? The answer is that I have things to give up elsewhere, that taking children to kindergarten in a Christiania bike and drinking Carlsberg are not my sole aims in life, and that thanks to the nature of my job I can actually live in one place and not work there, and hell I am only here for personal reasons anyway. Yes, damn it, for me Denmark is not actually the best place in the world.
When I am in Copenhagen I have this kind of a craving for a conversation over a beer with a good friend (but I have no good friends here), or a chance meeting in the street with someone I know (but I know very few people here). But to get to that stage I have to give up more elsewhere, to travel less and work less, and to commit properly to learning Danish, and those are things I cannot bring myself to do. I cannot sketch out a future here that would be to my liking and hence I need to resort to a more minimal strategy to cope for now, and look forward to trips to Brussels or London for those beers with friends or chance encounters.
In short I think this place will never be home, and I only have myself to blame.
I have to agree with a lot of what’s said. I did my master’s for 2 years over here as an Indian from Finland and while I have met some good Danish people a lot of the everyday Danes tend to just actively wear their racism, unlike Finn’s who may also have the same view but are embarassed to show it. I expected to love Denmark to a near similar extant as I have come to love the place I grew up in, (Finland). But am intending to leave definitive of the fact that immigrants are not welcome. And believe me I’ve even lived in the Middle East and theyre only better in the sense that they accept the fact that they cannot economically thrive without an international community. Danes however only think we eat out of their pie, and believe offering a place for us is charity rather than recognition of our worth. It’s a real shame, but Denmark just isn’t the country I read about
I’ve noticed that Danes think they are the best when they’re actually absolutely nothing on the world scale. Sure, you have your right to believe in your superiority (LOL) but it is very wrong when you begin to judge and label other nationalties. Best advice ever – do not move to Denmark, not even for holiday/vacation. There are much better countries to see!
Agree fully! I’m not sure where this narrative comes from that Denmark is such a happy, peaceful country. I suppose if you are white and Danish, then yes I can see why, but as a person of colour living in Denmark I’ve had some of the rudest comments thrown at me that just wouldn’t stand elsewhere in the world. I’ve lived in UK, Canada and Netherlands and can say that all these places are far superior for quality of life and attitude towards immigrants. There is a serious lack of multiculturalism, which makes Denmark extremely dull.
I will be leaving for good in the coming months and do not believe I will ever return not even for a vacation.
I agree with everyone else. I’ve been raised in Denmark since childhood and only two years ago managed to get out of that shithole country.
The world and medias hype it up to be the happiest country in the world, so many benefits, danes are the best etc. It’s just simply not true. If you’re a tourist/visitor and only staying for a period of time, then yes, it’s amazing. But so is a trip to Barcelona, Paris, New Orleans or anywhere else in the world.
Danes are so inherently racist that it’s unbelievable. The hateful racist rhetoric from the government just enables the danish population to be as racist as they want – but it’s not seen that way because racism in Denmark is as someone else stated; “Only if you’re a short man with a slim moustache under your nose”. Imagine the absolute mayhem if African Americans were treated and talked to and about, the same way the immigrants in Denmark are. Just look at their political parties. Their political policies. Look at every single danish media on social media to see just how “nextdoor-neighbors” are so unfathomably racist, prejudiced and generalizing. Your neighbor across the street who may say “Hello” and smile at you when they walk past you, will be the one in these social media comments stating “Get all of those “perkere” (Roughly meant and translated the same as “nigger”) out of the country” etc. It’s sickening. Thank god I’m white – I’ve seen how Danes mistreat every other nationality and then denies that it’s racist. There’s a thing called “Hygge-racisme” which is so prevalent. It basically means exactly what’s written – that racism is okay if done in a “hygge” way. How is that possible? I urge you to google the term and find out for yourself. Recently they’ve made it pretty much impossible for anyone to get citizenship unless they pass their ridiculous “questions” that most danes can’t even answer! If someone was every convicted of a crime, however small, in their youth, they are PERMANENTLY barred from getting citizenship now. Students with clean records can’t either, as one of the new requirements are that you’ve been working fulltime for 4.5 years in the last 5 years. What student can do that? This is just a very, very small snippet of how messed up danes and Denmark is.
Please, if you love your life and wish your self happiness, don’t immigrate to Denmark (good luck with that too if you decide to). There’s so many other places in in the world where people are treated like people and not just second class citizens solely based on the fact that they’re not “danish”.
I hope this blog is not sponsored by a Dane institution that doesn’t want anyone else to migrate here. Migration is a human right. If you get a global perspective of the economy. It should be even promoted instead of suppressed. Or just simply they should stop political intervention to steal money from “poor” countries. How can they say we are stealing jobs?? If sb tells me that, I swear I will reply: “you steal my natural resources coercing countries towards corruption, you deforest rainforests for your vegan and plant-based products”. Just think about how they get a job, it gave me the flavor of a really corrupt and sexists masculine system… personal calls, private coffees, that would be unacceptable in another place. I might be wrong but in my view its a country based on pure misleading marketing. There is no women=men, that is a lie. Their such huge prejudice still towards female capacity in tech & science, especially if you are non-european or blond. Either from women and men. I thought that this would be a “developed” society but THE MORE DEVELOPED THE COUNTRY the LESS DEVELOPED THE PEOPLE.
Dude. What a righteous Dane. And why did you post your response twice! If Denmark is the happiest country in the world, please God don’t show me the saddest. This place is absolutely a hole!!!
I’m sorry I don’t mean everything in my previous response post. I did not read your post closely enough. I hope as a foreigner you get out of here as soon as possible. This place is a curse. Sorry, for my previous response.
I hope this blog is not sponsored by a Dane institution that doesn’t want anyone else to migrate here. Migration is a human right. If you get a global perspective of the economy. It should be even promoted instead of suppressed. Or just simply they should stop political intervention to steal money from “poor” countries. How can they say we are stealing jobs?? If sb tells me that, I swear I will reply: “you steal my natural resources coercing countries towards corruption, you deforest rainforests for your vegan and plant-based products”. Just think about how they get a job, it gave me the flavor of a really corrupt and sexists masculine system… personal calls, private coffees, that would be unacceptable in another place. I might be wrong, but in my view is a country based on pure misleading marketing. There is no women=men that is a lie. Their such huge prejudice still towards female capacity in tech & science, especially if you are non-European or blond. Either from women and men. I thought that this would be a “developed” society but THE MORE DEVELOPED THE COUNTRY the LESS DEVELOPED THE PEOPLE in all fields.
I Live in DK (13 years now) and became a naturalized Danish citizen. I can tell you one thing. I wish I could go back in time 12 years and made another choice. First year was ok and I loved DK. I work in an international company and everything was new and nice. Afterwards the reality of DK kicked in. I am a person of color. very well educated. Good job, good income, etc. But man I feel absolutly lonely in this country. Danes do not have any idea how much racism does exist in their society. They are totally blind when it comes to racism. For many Danes the definition of racism is someone who has a little mustache and wears an armband with a Swastika on it.
to make it worse, racism in Denmark is institutional. The government (does not matter left or right) is institutionally racist. they do anything to make sure your life as a foreigner is miserable. I ean it anything they could do.
and People, I have witnessed it first hand (once it happened to me), Danish (read Blue eyed and blonde) inviting their classmates to their b-day party (my son was 7 at that time) and only inviting kids with blonde hair (true Danish blood). even an adopted kid from Colombia (with blonde Danish parents) did not get the invite just because he did not have the right skin color. They teach them to be racist from school. and try not to be fooled by the nice and humanitarian slogans from DK.
They do not believe in any of them. it is all PR stuff. They do not believe in anything they say. Just Race and Money is important here.
If you are going to move to DK please think twice. unless you are desperate and DK is your last resort, try somewhere else. believe me you won’t regret it.
Thanks for your warning mate. I’ve never been to Denmark but due to some reasons I came to the conclusion that it is the worst country in my list (Australia and France are the second and third worst ones). And all Eastern European countries should be avoided if you’re a person of color. Nevertheless the Eastern European countries at least never claim to lead the championship of democracy and human rights and give themselves the entitlement to interfere in other countries’ affairs so even though they are more ignorant, that still puts them in a lesser worse position relative to the major Western countries.
danish here and trust me most know english and why we have a problem with some immigration/people with color is that they stand for most crime in Denmark and Denmark would like to stay etnic. If others have a problem how we do things its their problem not Denmarks. Besides that u people just think u find friends every day i gurantee it wont happend anywere unless u meet people without friends but why should danes make foreign people feel home if they dont want to intergrate ??? So to most of you talking OMG Since ur all so educated u sure lack alot of common sense and deffo not the IQ pushing ur forehead and its me being nice
Here we have the righteous Dane. LOL. OMG this guy is just a level above. The miserable piece of work, that he is. LOL
You clearly hate Danes and Denmark – and expect an IT career in this country?! You are in all sorts of ways a potential threat to any Danish company. Maybe even to this country. You can count on this: Your activities on social media platforms are to considered an appendix to your CV!
“Per Andersen” is a rambunctious possibly stolen, fake identity who is your average hell from Denmark. I was spammed on Facebook and the identity was even SMSing me incessantly. He/she seems to have gotten the final word here by disabling replies to his/her comment and SMSing me that I have been reported to the Danish Police Intelligence, if you please!!!! LOL! Going by what surveillance means in this miniscule land, I think he should first give himself a lengthy look in the mirror. Gosh! LOL!
Oh my god… at the risk of being negative, I’m so pleased I’ve found this blog. I thought it was me! I’ve been here for 4 months after retiring from the uk and am a very outgoing and chatty person. I can’t get used to the off handedness and sometimes rudeness of my fellow citizens here in Aalborg. The most disappointing thing is that my Danish girlfriend has witnessed some of the behaviours first hand and is shocked that her fellow Danes can behave with such rudeness. In addition no one wants to engage and no one wants to be my friend. I’m not going to go on about this and that because we’ve all read the blog and can identify with some of the situations and attitudes. It follows that I’m lonely in apparently the happiest country on the planet. I’ve given up and return to the UK in July (COVID permitting). At least I’ve scratched the itch in coming but will be returning to DK in the future under the proviso that I can escape back to the UK at my will. Any one in the Vejgaard area wants a coffee and a natter happy to oblige!
Many people don’t feel welcome in Denmark. They are basicaly saying if others have a problem with them and they are not danish they can go f themselves. Denmark is racist honestly in 4 years i met only a few people that are danish and friendly. I do not understand where this coxkiness comes from when they live in a country of threives. I regret every single day of my life in here and want to leave as soon as i can. I am a student, i thought maybe i can come and build my life in here, but even learning language wont make them less racist. I know a lot of internationals in this empty country.
In my oppinion danes are just refusing to accept the fact that the world is getting smaller and people are getting more mixed up. It is a natural thing, avoiding it will lead to something big and bad one day.
And yes i did meet some awesom people here, but they are minority. Only those that meet internationals are friendly(those that understand that having a different culture than danish is ok, we can’t be all the same like danish, they even look all the same), they are not narrowminded like majority of the country. I bet when it was legal to have sex with dogs in here they were saying as well that all internationals are stupid for thinking thay they are messed up.
I really had a lot of hope for this country, the weather is not bad, and it is nice… the nature, but people here are far from friendly and it is sad.
Yeah mate, Denmark is like that. The people are rude, disconcerting and very, very ignorant. Denmark is the worst experience of my life. I am from India and I moved here when I was sixteen. People here have horse eyes to the point of inanity. They will coerce you to walk on the right side of the footpath! They say something rude too, when doing so. They will answer in Danish to a person who just moved here and only speaks English. They are narcissistic again till you go averse. Forever pointing out but in Denmark it is like this, but in Denmark we do it like that. If you don’t like it you can “fuck back”. Lack of compassion, xenophobia and downright rudeness have estranged many a foreigner. My mother has been severely disrespected by the Danes. I believe they are charlatans at home, too. They flout all norms when it comes to respecting parents and having family values. The state has become like a godfather and it is more important than your spouse, your friends and even family. All this mention about how great this country is. All eyewash and manipulated Western surveys. Come to India and we welcome guests like they are God. We even have a saying in Sanskrit which mentions that- (English translation)The Guest is God. I am so glad someone started this forum and these views are finally seeing the light of the day. And mind you, this Danish high handedness runs right through to the authorities. They will segment you, whether it is the airport authorities, the Danish Police, the health care system, the social authorities. Basically anywhere you set foot you get a good dose of rudeness, a shot of insult and all with alacrity. The forces of globalization and internationalization have no place for a living hell that Denmark creates for well-meaning decent immigrants. They will have to, down the line, join with the world, or sink. No wonder, this is such a puny country with such miniscule global clout. I could not fathom what had hit me, moving for the rest of my life to this ridiculous experience. I have taken strongly to praying at I leave my fate, as well as of this weirdoes, to the Lord.
Hello,
I am a retired woman living in Jutland, Denmark with my Danish husband. I hate living here but unlike many of the young people above, I have no choice. I cannot afford to move anywhere else. I am of Dutch nationality but haven’t lived there for many years and have no living family there. My only child lives in London and I miss her so much. I used to live there too but my husband wanted to return here when he retired. I find Danes very rude. They have no culture. Life is just sport, work and their immediate families. They are very boring people with a very high opinion of themselves (god knows why). Very few Danes have ever tried living away from their country and are, therefore, very insular and rather ignorant of other cultures. If I ever had the money I would leave straightaway. I speak fluent Danish but believe me it doesn’t make any difference at all. In fact I find you are treated more politely if you speak English. As a foreigner here, you will never be a part of their lives! Any young people out there considering a move here, a word of warning, there are many other countries in Europe that are far more welcoming.
Hi Barbra I read your story comments. I was born uk moved to Canada young age then to usa for many years. Love usa. I came to denmark 2 years ago me and my gf met through celine dion my gf came to usa to see me a few times. She always loved usa shes danish but doesnt like denmark she want to move to usa it’s her dream so I’m living in denmark with her until we can move to usa.
Danish is so hard to learn. A few danish people are nice but alot of them are strange its danish way or there way. Like I cant do things my way we dont do it like that in denmark you are here so you cant speak english. My gf speaks good English. Her mum speaks no English at all hadn’t been anywhere live simple life which is fine. She always around home me my gf need space and privacy.she doesnt do much doesnt see anybody relies on my gf alot but she fine with her moving to usa. Me and gf mum dont talk cause of language difference she dont want to learn English but she watches english tv shows movies ect alot. So they expect me to lean danish is fine but it’s not fair. I feel isolated my gf works full time. It gets annoying doing google translate it doesn’t sound right. It’s hard being a foreigner here.
Yeah like my gf mum doesnt do anything really just hangs around us she always there even when my gf friends come over. But my gf and her mum talk all the time even my my gf is at work like she said it always been that way it’s like a best friend between them. I do things way different to danish. Like her mum made a face when I made scrambled eggs and cheese omelette. Like it’s her way or no way they are not open to anything. Oh you cant do that here this that. Its annoying. Goodluck to you oh you have danish husband.
I’m only here because of my gf. Takecare keep healthy during this time of hardships.
I believe that the best remedy for as-holes and ignorant people is to make them see their stupidity.
I thought that Denmark had it figured out, instead is just a bunch of pointy shoes charlatans and ignorant self centered individuals. Unfortunately choose here, i wish to leave but family ties are pulling me into the Danish land. I will say to all those struggling,my email is hellpez@gmail.com, feel free to contact me , I am writting a little book in regards to the relationship of a foreign towards Denmark
Hi Barbara! I have exactly the same feeling and my situation is similar. Im a New mum Though, not retired. Wished you lived in cph, we could catch up
Hej Barbara,
100% agree with you. I live in Copenhagen with my danish husband ( I dream to move from this unfriendly and provincial Denmark to other land, but my husband can not, at least at the present moment). All what you say about Danes are truth and this country is fully depressive and not happy at all.
Hi Barbara,
Your comment is the one that most reflects my experiences and observances. Like you, I speak the language fluently. I also work a fulltime job, but am lonely to the point of desperation, even after 29 years.
I was born in Ireland, grew up in the West Indies, went to university in the US, lived in London and a handful of other countries. This makes me VASTLY more cosmopolitan than just about any Danes, and means I have absolutely nothing in common with them. I was supposed to return to the UK, but the English are worse now than ever because of Brexit.
I am living through a hell living in Denmark.
No friends ( like everybody says)
Dishonesty, cowardice and a shallow world view abounds.
Ive had hundreds of thousands of kroner stolen by friends or by people I have tried to help.
MY daughter has been taken by my ex wife with the help of the authorities who are world renowned for getting the verdict wrong ( trial by rumor )
I have been lied to by authorities ( the tax authorities for example… bare faced lies at least three times)
The Health service has withheld treatment based upon an argument I had with a stand-in receptionist , where she claimed I shouted at her…. ( not that it matters, but I didn’t)
The neighbors watch you through binoculars ( not just my experience) and speak to you via email.
Employers have taken advantage of me ( eg. getting me to work on bank holidays for no recompense while the boss goes home and relaxes with his family)
But the worst is their Jantelov. A foreigner is an ideal target as we don’t really know about Jantelov. You can go to a party happy and excited and come back depressed … without knowing why. Your crime will have been ” liking yourself too much ” . Your fellow guests will consider you a target. You will be tactically ignored. Or your opinions will be taken down a peg… subtly. You won’t even notice it happening until you get home and feel yourself wanting to hide from the world.
Why?
Because EVERYBODY needs to feel better than someone at something. Here it is forbidden to show it , but the need is still there. So to make themselves ( the Danes) feel better , they push you down instead of building themselves up ,as to build themselves up will likely encourage the wrath of Janteloven from their fellow countrymen.
It’s endemic. Its suffocating. It’s everywhere.
If you help somebody , they will take advantage of you. They may even laugh at you for being so naive or scold you for being irresponsible. Then they will ignore you. No thanks or loyalty. I have two non Danish friends here: a Turk and a South African. They are not like that. Every Danish “friend ” I have had. , has behaved like that though.
My hatred of this country knows no bounds.
Danmark: highest per capita cancer in the world
Danmark : Highest use of antidepressives in Europe
Danmark Highest youth alcohol abuse in the world
Danmark Highest abuse rate of women by their spouse in the world
Danmark Highest abuse of children in Europe ( where notably in 2017 the EU found that in Copenhagen there was a failure to protect children and a failure to follow DKs own guidelines in … wait for it …. ONE HUNDRED PERCENT OF CASES . ( the authorities then changed the name of the body responsible. And then… business as usual)
Danmark Highest household debt in the world
Danmark Third highest personal debt in the world
Danmark Highest death rate from drug overdose in the world
Denmark. HAPPIEST COUNTRY IN THE WORLD
Denmark. Where too many people feel not good enough.
John Hall
I will gladly include my telephone number should anybody feel the need to talk.
You are not alone
53622504
Danmark: highest per capita cancer in the world
It’s Australia – https://www.wcrf.org/dietandcancer/cancer-trends/data-cancer-frequency-country
Danmark : Highest use of antidepressives in Europe
It’s Iceland – https://www.statista.com/chart/4019/the-worlds-biggest-consumers-of-antidepressant/#:~:text=15%20years%20ago%2C%20Iceland%20had,to%20130%20per%201%2C000%20people.
Danmark Highest youth alcohol abuse in the world
It’s Luxembourg – https://www.usnews.com/news/best-countries/articles/2018-09-20/drinking-extremes-where-the-worlds-youngest-and-oldest-imbibe-most (how it’s not the UK i’ll never know!)
Danmark Highest abuse rate of women by their spouse in the world
This data is hard to find due to the hidden nature but Denmark isn’t in the top 10 of EU countries let alone the world. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Epidemiology_of_domestic_violence
Danmark Highest abuse of children in Europe ( where notably in 2017 the EU found that in Copenhagen there was a failure to protect children and a failure to follow DKs own guidelines in … wait for it …. ONE HUNDRED PERCENT OF CASES . ( the authorities then changed the name of the body responsible. And then… business as usual)
Also not Denmark – https://www.undispatch.com/here-is-how-every-country-ranks-on-child-safety/
Danmark Highest household debt in the world
Also not Demark https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_countries_by_household_debt
I gave up on the rest…
I’m posting because although i’m sorry you’re not happy, it’s not fair that other people see your post and think it’s a true reflection of Denmark.
I think he meant in north/europe with some of them as it gets irratating to live here with the cringe jantelov-ish low-lyfe attitudes and then write thiese complains of a “1st.” world country..
But the loneliness and abnormal large taxation in itself should be enough for people to not wanting to move here unless you a millionaire or something..
Here comes the Dane who offsets everything factually, but nothing substantially. I can predict him asking me to “fuck off”, at the slightest notion! I dare say anything about the variegated sexual abuse statistics in this awesome country. They are probably the “best” in the world, too! LOL!!!
Totally agree with all of you – finally some people who will call Denmark for what it really is. My wife is a dane but thank god I convinced her to move away and live abroad.
Even though NOT all danes are like that and there are some notable exceptions, (after spending 8 years in the country) the vast majority is like that: rude, unfriendly, selfcentered. I remember going with my wife to festivals when we first met and idiots telling her in danish “oh what are you doing with that foreigner, do you like eating food without salt and spices?” and of course she would only tell me afterwards because she knew that if she had told me at the same time I would pick a fight. “ffs, who wouldnt?”
My worst experience however is about their work mentality. Foreigners, are slaves. Literally. I ve been treated like a second class citizen, working my ass off while danes at the same workplace were working 9.00-15.00 and they were not supposed to be pushed around or stressed cause they are sensitive people that must have a LOT of free time to chill out and hygge. However, the rest of us (the foreigners) we were working on their projects 12-14h a day -wo taking any credit!- and when our contracts finished they never wanted to see us again; and their short answer was “we want our children to come back and stay here”
this is my 2 cents, to my experience (I ve lived in 5 countries), this shit does not happen ANYWHERE else
Hi I have been here 2 years. It’s very hard here I agree. Plus yes the Danes like to help but they don’t want us being here. I know they are protective. Danes don’t want to be friends. I have had the experience of traveling at a young age. My gf is Danish and she doesn’t want to live here in Denmark. She has always loved the USA. We are going to move there soon. Her brother is Danish and he said Denmark is very boring country. No opportunities. But Denmark is supposed to be the happiest place all places are not perfect. But Danish don’t understand yes how hard it is to move your whole life to another country. Very interesting points.
I’m an ex-pat student in Denmark living for the past year. There are a few things I agree with here and a few things I don’t agree with.
Danes are polite people, they will talk to you and help you. They are hard-working and tend to do things quickly so they can enjoy their free time, however,
BUT they will not become your friend. They do not appreciate you being here. They do not know or understand how hard it is for someone to move to an entirely different place, especially a non-European, to not just live but to study. They won’t talk to you. The Danes seem just emotionless to me. There is certainly too much of giving a cold shoulder to the other person. There will be underlying tension if something goes wrong but the Dane will just avoid trying to discuss the issue and will just wish it to go away.
I made the mistake of moving to Denmark with my then-girlfriend, now ex-wife back in 1992. I moved from SE London to a little dump in MId-Jutland with a population of 1500. I have lived in the West Indies, N. America. and all over Europe, but nothing, and I mean nothing, prepared me for the shock of what was to come. People stared at me because I spoke English. The literally stopped and gawked. I, being the lad that I am, stopped and stared back at them. The first Saturday I was here, all the shops shut at 12.00, as did the whole country. By now the negative vibes had set in. I started planning to back to London, she got pregnant (my fault, too).
So, I decided to make a go of it here in DK. I learned the language very quickly and got a job. Living in small bergs never appealed to me, so I said we had to move. She would only move to a town of 3000 people. Her refusal to live in such places cost me any chance of a social life. A problem that still dogs me after 27 years here. I have nothing at ALL in common with most Danes, who usually don’t talk about much outside their jobs. (Very few cultures define themselves by their jobs as much.) The men are emasculated and dull and as a result the women think they have the answer to everything, and struggle when dealing with men from other cultures.
The rudeness and downright ignorance are astonishing, even after so long.
Anybody moving here, remember that first impressions last, and will probably not change. I have been here 27.5 years, and still feel the same way I did about this place after the first 2 weeks. I am finally working on getting out before I get too to get a social life, and yes, enjoy living again.
Hello there.
Are you English?
I have lived in Denmark for about 15 years and feel exactly the same way you do. I’m trying to get back to England but sadly stuck here because of my daughter who is only 13. She wants to finish her school here which means I have to wait for her other 4-5 years.
It’s so depressing here and even tho I speak danish but feel so different still. Have no danish fronds and don’t want to
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Julie Deshields.
Thanks for your insights into this widespread and uncomfortable phenomena of the rising right. I could say a lot but will just say this. Why do people (like your parteners friends) feel the need to force their point of view and why they think it’s accepteble to berate a newly met person for the language they speak, no matter what the circumstances. this is just rude. It also shows said friends seem happy to force their view point on others without enquiring about their views on any matter. Your partners friends need to examine their behaviour and think on how far those view points will take them down the road of intellictual facism. All the best in the future
Wow.. So many negative experiences.. Thats not the denmark ice Come to know.. I love it here its only been 8 month but have already made some good friends. Found work with in 4 days of moving here.. The locals Are All so friendly always smile an say hello.. I cant wait to bring My wife and Kids here and make it our for ever home..
I wish you the best Thomas.
Everyone experience different situations tho.
I personally hate to be here and want to go back to the UK
I hope you will settle down with you family in Denmark and have a happy life
Denmark is a small country with an isolated population . I had been living in Denmark since i was 17 years old. Happiness is when you feel good about yourself without feeling the need for anyone else’s approval. Don’t care about them They are very selfish and not worth thinking about.
They are afraid of foreigners, because they don’t have any selfconfidence and understanding for other cultures.
You are living in this world for a very limited periode. My advice to you, “Don’t waste your time and energy for think about Danes.
I moved here 6 months ago because my husband got a job offer. I totally hate being in here. I speak 4 languages (including my mother tongue), I have no interest in learning Danish. On the other hand I have to. I have a 1 year old son and if we live here, he will be learning Danish and I have to too.
I am a huge fan of nature and CPH totally offers beautiful scenes but I am even bored of them.
I am holding a PhD in engineering and I have a quite good work experience but I couldn’t find a job yet. I usually do not understand the reason why I am rejected. They just say they have better candidates. Really? All of the companies I go for an interview? One of the said they had a better chemistry with the other candidate. I began to think it is another form of racism.
Funny but I also don’t like the supermarkets. I am hardly finding vegetables. Are they really eating spinach all year? Also the brands are not the ones we are used to. Denmark has its own brands for most of the goods.
If I can’t find a job in 6 months, I will be looking in to the Netherlands, Germany or UK. Denmark is not worth it.
Hi Szn. Yeah it can be hard here, I’m sorry to say. I have been here some years and am now going back home. I’ve lived abroad before and speak different languages too, also find Denmark so far very hard to adapt to. You have to know people to get a job – nepotism seems to be a big factor. Danes themselves have a hard time finding a job they want here, let alone foreigners. I was shocked by how many people don’t even get replies after many months of job hunting. UK isn’t prefect, but the job market is way more flexible. It may be worth exploring other options :-/ perhaps join some groups or association for hobbies? You may meet people that way and grow your network.
I find the danes huge sticklers for things to be done their way – it’s either the “danish” way or the highway. At least it’s how my experience was with my danish ex. Considering that they are supposed to be an egalitarian lot and well-travelled, they aren’t well-rounded when it comes to the knowledge of cultural diversity. Reading through all the comments makes me feel like I might have dodged a massive bullet with my danish ex.
They definitely talk more when they are high or drunk. Not the least sociable when sober, let alone a friendly bunch. Probably haven’t lived as an expat in other countries long enough to gain any worldly experience. They are big on patriotism though. My ex became extremely gungho when he saw the danish flag in another country.
Living abroad is seldom easy. I guess Britain is relatively easy because of the language and globally shared cultural references that are British or American. I lived in Sweden for a few years and found the sense of social isolation really hard. Even when I could speak Swedish there was still a sense of isolation. I am spending some time in Denmark now but don’t plan to move here. I’m in the countryside and find people quite casually friendly. My card didn’t work in the shop, for example, and someone offered to pay for me – that’s really friendly. The lady I bought some eggs from was very keen to chat to me. Maybe it’s a copenhagen thing, people in big cities are generally uptight. Living abroad is always easier if you don’t need much social reassurance. Most of us thrive on it though. Glad to hear that Germany is working out for you. I love the Germans. A wacky lot by and large.
Thank you Jon for this text. It feels somewhat a good peer support for me now! I have got many similar feelings than you have got.
I am missing my friends and siblings from my original home country. I have not succeeded to find any local friends during more than two years living and working in Cph. First year here, I was very open minded and interested in everything that was happening. I really wanted to give a chance to Denmark and Danes. After a year I noticed that I still feel as lonely and foreigner as I did when we moved here. Luckiky I moved here with my spouse but we are sometimes thinking that we spend pretty much all the spare time together here. And we are from another scandinavian country originally! Sometimes we are thinking that maybe it has saved us from any major racism here.
We are now planning to move to another EU country for work, hopefully near future. Before that I think I try to activate in international expats groups better and find hopefully some new friends there.
Jon, this post reflects how I feel exactly. I’ve been in CPH a good few years now because of my partner. I’m British and have lived in Berlin and London before, which were very different experiences. I learned German to a pretty fluent level while in Berlin (years ago) and generally found it easy to get to know people; it’s easy to be foreign there. However, when it comes to Danish, I have NO motivation or interest in learning the language. No city is perfect and CPH has its own charm, but I have never felt at home here (I won’t list the complaints!). We are in fact moving to the UK this Summer 🙂
Could not agree more to feeling like this….thank you for sharing Jon – it’s nice to know I’m not alone 🙂
I agree to this so much it’s painful. I’ve met a lot of lovely people here, but what about someone racist? That’ll always exist everywhere else right?
Apparently that happens to be my step father, whom my mom have left her everything to married. But he was obviously this freak that spends the time on dating sites wanting to date someone that’s million years younger. My mom is very hard to open up when dating someone and when she finally does; it’s with a danish freak whose family blames her for everything despite the fact that that step father of mine, verbally abuses her in front of me and even hit her once. So my mom felt hopeless as she has no driving license and we live in a fking forest, whom my step father have born, grew up, worked, went to school in for the past 58 years.
I even have to go to a danish public school during my first experience in denmark (with me all so naive and hoping that denmark will be an amazing country with lovely people)
Which ofcourse, I was wrong.
1) danish people are low-key racist, but I personally think most Europeans are
2) danish people thinks that foreigners (with ethnic background, they can’t spot a romanian here between the danish peeps!) are lazy, stupid and poor and that we will suck all your money.
I’m not even a refugee maybe I just moved during the wrong time or humanity is just shallow? Hell if I know
(my step father even said it himself to my mom when she’s telling her degree to the kommune is that “to make sure you don’t suck our money”)
Tldr; DANISH PEOPLE DONT UNDERSTAND HOW FRUSTRATING IT IS TO MOVE COUNTRY OR HOW HARD IT IS TO LEARN A NEW LANGUAGE AND HOW TO ADAPT, IF YOU’D LIKE TO LIVE IN DENMARK, MY ADVICE IS DONT
But actually aarhus or odense have more open mind and a lot of foreigners so it’s kind of nice.
Just don’t rely on a dane unless you’re a refugee or something. If you throw your life away to marry/date a dane, and then find out you cant find a future here, especially if their family is blaming on you for being “miserable”, just please, stay strong! I know you can do it ♥
I have read alot of your stories yea I agree. My experience very isolated Danish is hard. Feel pressure to learn it. Danes is their way or no way seems like. They dont understand people others lifes. They dont want anyone to take their public money. They are grumpy towards foreigners. No friends they dont want to know you.
denmark is the worst place i have encountered- being married to a dane or learning danish did not help either. i have easily made friends in the uk, germany, turkey and even sweden. but denmark is another beast when it comes to alienating anyone who is not from their country.
Hi,
I have experienced this situation actually.
But for me it was kind of worse because I am ethnic.
I could see ethnic people having degrees but no jobs and asking me what was doing here.
The only reason why I was in Denmark it’s because my girlfriend was danish.
She told me that it was OK to be in Denmark for a while, waiting to move to Canada.
Then I was trapped !
She had her agenda ( and I think she was also a malignant narcissist).
She never wanted to move to Canada from the start.
And then, one day, I just ran away… I was way too tired of this situation.
I should have done it much earlier.
I was born in Switzerland but with an ethnic background.
I have degrees in computer engineering.
I moved to Canada on my own since and I am a Canadian citizen now.
Everytime I hear news from Denmark or Scandinavia, it makes me feel mopey.
Denmark was indeed the worst experience in my life.
Hi, I always felt like my Danish boyfriend had Narcissistic behavior but was never sure of it was cultural difference or straight up terrible upbringing (and his mom was a pedagogical consultant for god’s sake). I was never quite able to put my finger on it, and had PTSD afterwards. He was very charming and polite in front of crowds but he would judge everyone terribly behind their backs including my friends and family but would always glorify Denmark or his family. Whenever I mirrored his judgments back at him to check if I heard correctly, he would treat me as if I am a negative person (so un-Danish!). He would say ambiguously sexist or racist things or would get jealous if someone flirted with me but later on deny everything and distort the history of what happened in a “positive hygge light” without letting us have a conversation about it.
From observing him and his friends, I think Danes are too coddled in Denmark. They don’t learn how to deal with many ranges of emotions or hardship. Everything is done by the state for them. They don’t need to face any conflict or trouble or don’t need to even bother to fix something. They can just divorce it, avoid it. The state will take care of it and brainwash them about how good Denmark is. When I did a good job and people openly praised me about my accomplishment, he would put me down in private by saying bad things about the job I did, diminishing the integrity of my whole profession. So I don’t understand if this is Jantelov bullshit or immaturity or narcissist behavior. I had to deal with so much passive aggressiveness and microaggressions.
The moment I met his mom, she asked if I knew his ex girlfriend. I don’t know if this is Danish openness, but I feel like this means a bad sign in anywhere else in the world. She kept saying how they prioritize European values. Later I found out that she was referring my non-EU origin, and didn’t want me for his son.
He kept saying how egalitarian Denmark is, how it is feminist and how men take equal responsibility around the house and such…
He never once cooked or cleaned, even though I asked him politely many times and told him that the house labor is unpaid extra labor and doing it alone is draining me.
Good riddance.
PS. Denmark’s marriage with a non-EU partner policy is outrageously racist. They take every preventative measure to avoid any non-EU marriage by making it so hard and so expensive (16.000 dollars). If their pure aryan Danes will ever stray, they will be only allowed to stray in EU borders.
And they are sending Syrian refugees back to Syria right now, apparently Syria is “safe now”. Such delusional racist country…
@Michaela – I escaped in October 2013. I now live in Berlin, and it’s a *lot* better. Not least because I speak German. I hope you find a way to cope somehow!
Oh wow I have felt the same way since I moved here with my bf ( he’s danish)almost 4 years ago. I still did not learned they’re language and I really hope here is not the place I will have to call home at a point. Good luck !!
Honestly now Um confused if I should migrant to Denmark (green card scheme). I have done my Masters from UK. I have been in the UK for 6 years. I am a sales assistant at savers health & beauty in London. Can I get similar (super drug or boots or savers type) kind of job in Denmark with English speaking ability ? Someone advice me. Thank you.
Hi.
Stay there and keep your job.
Here they prefer to hire Danes and you will be unhappy.
Fine another country. Please carefull, awful place.
Danes are very good at campaining on the internet, covering everything up, flatening out, making everything nice.
Beneath it is prejudice, social irresponsibility, lack of Progress. A country that breeds psychopathic mentality with a socialistic smile.
Go to sweden instead. Sweden is real and makes an efford to be so.
wow you just described the danish woman my partner left me and his child for!
I’ve lived in CPH for 3 years and it’s been the most depressing, lonely and ostracized time of my life.
I don’t need hugely caring individuals, a simple nod and smile from a stranger is all it takes to make me feel part of society, to feel accepted and acknowledged, trying to get that from a Dane however has proven ridiculous. My smile and nod is almost always met with a cold stare and a face of borderline disgust, and they very often hold that face, staring at you. It’s at this point in their incredible rudeness I give them them a sarcastic wave, to which they roll their eyes up and look away.
I’m half Thai and was born and raised in the rough north east of England, moved to Thailand’s tropical south when I was 13 and then moved around between the U.K, Sweden, Australia, and Denmark.
Without speaking Thai you can easily enjoy life in Thailand, you have fun getting lost in translation with the Thai people, and end up making friends where you thought it would be impossible. Getting by in Australia is also do able once you surmount the blatant racism (whites fear not).
Denmark however is a whole different book. In a country where most people speak a conversational level of English, I have not made a single friend since arriving here. The stories and events I have experienced here that leave me bewildered and lusting for fun and friends are countless.
At a halloween party that I was invited too I encountered the grossest form of racism I’ve ever had the pleasure of dealing with. After blacking up and assuming a minstrel-esque kind of costume, the first thing I was asked was:
‘Where are you from?’
Thinking as usual that people were thrown by my northern english accent, I replied:
‘England!’
They were clearly not satisfied with that as an answer and with faces still locked in curious disgust said:
‘Yes we can tell from your accent, we just don’t know what colour you are’
I told them to ‘f*ck off’ then tried to laugh off the incredulousness of these tossers with some other people at the party. Which failed. I then quickly realised I was in a room full of socially retarded people, I was in a room full of Danes. I left shortly afterwards, having tried to spice the party up with some RJD2 and Jamiroquai, only to have one of the guys arrogantly and impatiently insist on Nicki Minaj, Britney Spears ‘hit me baby’ and Backstreet Boys. Initially I thought the party was coming alive and that this guy had found his sense of humour. Unfortunately he was not intending to be funny, which created another awkward social gap, but had helped to seal the deal for me.
With no support or even interest from the person who invited me, I was surprised when she told me what a wonderful and fun night it was when saw her in the following days. Even though it was very clearly a disaster. Do Danish people actually know a good time?
Unfortunately I’m not interested in fashion, therefore my lack of the new iphone and my now 3 month old shoes could be what’s hindering my social life, alongside my brown skin (even though I’ve been told by many Danes that mixed race couples are very ‘fashionable’ these days).
Urk.
I’ve been told (by Danes) that the Danish don’t like to do small talk, preferring to have deep and meaningful conversations. I’ve also been told that it’s very unusual to speak to someone you do not know in public, and a normal reaction to this would be the cold shoulder and generally ignorant.
Do you see the problem there Danes?
I recently came back from a weekend in Brighton and in the 3 days I was there I made more friends than in 3 years of Denmark, I enjoyed walking in the street again as people smiled and nodded and made the effort not to walk directly into you. People held the door for each other, treating one another with manner and courteousness, of course not everybody is polite but it’s a large percentage. The same can be said for Copenhagen, not everyone is a twat but it does seem to be a large percentage.
I’ve been back in Denmark 2 days and can’t wait to get out again, hopefully indefinitely.
A question that is most asked is:
‘How do you like living in Denmark?’
Unfortunately this is a trap, they only really want to hear you say how amazing it is, anything slightly honest or negative is met with responses such as
‘Oh, I’m sad you feel that way….’* – then do absolutely nothing to help improve your stay or change your mind. Or:
‘If you don’t like it why don’t you leave’ – or:
‘Why are you here then?’
*Such a response usually comes from someone you know through someone else.
Easily the most superficial and narcissistic people I’ve ever lived alongside.
I can honestly say I have never been more bored in my entire life.
Sorry to bring a bout of negativity onto your thread, I just don’t know where to vent myself here because socialising is pretty much non-existant.
My advice? If fashion is your life, and you have nothing but love and admiration for everything Danish – Denmark, indeed Copenhagen is the place for you. But you must learn Danish independently (Danes are not happy to teach their language but are incredibly hostile if you do not learn), and you must make a 200% effort to socialise and mingle. Even then however, positive results are not garuanteed.
If you have even a singular criticism about anything Danish, forget it. It really isn’t worth it.
Totally agree on this!
I’m born and raised here and have never felt like home.
By any given chance Danes are asking me “So where are you from?” Duh. Like I’m danish. Can’t you hear? “But where are you really from” Then looking at my brown skin color, black hair, and brown eyes.
Even though I went to danish schools and university I never had danish friends. Ppl stare at me on the street. First I thought I had my clothes on wrong, and then looked in a shop window – I was normal! Or am I? In this country is hard to tell. I am finally finished with my education and planning to move out of this godforsaken hell hole.
Whenever I went on trips abroad(have been living a half a year in the UK during my education) I felt at home. Ppl were nice and NO ONE starred. The entire time I felt good and had no stress. I try not to let the starring part get to me, but It has, so now I shop groceries very late and not going out at all.
ESCAPE! These ppl don’t deserve you. You are in better hands outside of this country.
Hello, I found your post interesting – I am from the US having lived in Sweden and worked in Denmark for several years now. I joined some international meetup groups to feel a bit more involved in local life but it does not solve the issue of outsidership that foreigners feel here. How long will you stay in Denmark for?
True true,
Denmark is not a place to make friends.
yes make your stuff here, and leave.
……I read and read it is true it is true.
Should we start a group ….Hating Denmark.
Hi Sabrina I have been here 2 years my gf is Danish she wants out of Denmark. She wants to move to USA so soon we will. I feel here like you said people come to get what they need done ect then they leave. Danish is hard Danes have like no emotions it seems. I know cultures are different. They don’t understand moving countries what it takes on you. Interesting points in the comments.
I’m a Brit living in Denmark (Danish partner). I moved here late in life and I tried but have given up learning Danish. Mostly OK Danish teachers but one or two very bad. Biggest problem is tax. Very high income tax (and low threshold before you pay tax), plus high VAT, plus big tax on your property in the UK, plus high inheritance tax. I’ve decided I have to return to UK residency (at least 183 days a year) due to punitive Danish taxes, so that will put a very big strain on our relationship. Yes Danish benefits are good if you live here all your life, have a family, experience unemployment, go to university, and are conditioned to it all from birth, but Danes don’t think about the unfair costs to some taxpayers. I’m effectively paying for Danish students to attend university for 5 or 6 years while my own kids have large student debts in the UK. This has been a nightmare. On the more cultural stuff, yes Danes are introverted and often unfriendly, and life here is pretty boring. Not at all the happiest country in the world, that’s just hype. Yes there are some nice Danes and a few interesting places, but it’s not at all Destination Number One!
….super true about
yes Danes are introverted and often unfriendly, and life here is pretty boring. Not at all the happiest country in the world, that’s just hype.
Hi Jon.
As a Dane I can say: yes we are rude. That is 100 procent true. Since this is the only post I’ve read on your blog, I don’t know anything else, and since I’m not a grown up “I don’t understand”.. But why the hell don’t you just get out of this country if you hate it so much?
Maybe you’re just living in the wrong city, because to be honest, no one in Jutland likes anyone from the Copenhagen/Zealand area. We kinda hate eachother as a “inside joke”. Just like Siblings. Always fight yet always together (just as Denmark and Sweden). To feel home I do also believe that you have to learn about the danish culture and language. You can’t feel home in a country where you feel scared every time someone speaks danish to you. You don’t nesseserily needs to speak or understand it fully, but understand small things so you might have an idea.
Luckily we in Denmark speak really good English so it’s no problem. Just ask. You won’t get judged. Be open. Don’t be scared to ask for direction or help or if anybody knows a good cafe.
Yes of course there are some stupid idiots in Denmark, and yes we are rude and yes we drink too much, but that’s the culture. I am aware that Danes drinks way too much. We are quick to jugde, but we do also jugde each other. Some are racist, but most are not. I do not know a single person who is racist or homophobic. I know a few very Christians and they are open minded. They don’t see any problems (except getting married in a church, but that is legal and has been for a long time so that doesn’t matter).
You just need to be open minded. As a Dane I would get the hell out of here as soon as I can, but this country will always be my home, I just wanna see the world.
I understand what you meant with this entry. Reminds me of my life in Flanders where I lived for 5 years with my Flemish boyfriend. Very closed, conformist mentality with a need to be always ‘in’. Forced me to speak bad Flemish even though they could speak good English. Mocked everything non-Belgian or different. I see many parallels between these two nations.
Denmark and Danes aren’t that bad, some of the above posters sound a bit on the bitter side.
I moved from London to Fakse last year and I love it. Life is so good out here. Who cares if Danes are a bit insular and stand off-ish. I prefer that to the plastic flakiness of home. It’s motorcycle heaven here, quality roads with few cars on them outside of the cities.
The key is to have a really good go at learning danish and many of the above folks openly admit they didn’t try or barely tried. Just because most Danes are fluent in English it’s a mistake to think you can get by without embracing their language.
At the same time, these “happiness surveys” are total and utter bunk. Denmark certainly has its problems like stupidly high tax and going to bed too early but I can think of far worse places to live In Europe.
Hi Jon,
I moved out of Denmark 10 years ago. no matter how hard you try as an immigrant you always keep hanging and they would not let you in their circle.
Some official confirmation of what you and others all sense
http://cphpost.dk/news/national/danes-number-one-sticking-together
I have lived in Denmark since 1996. And escaped for 2 years. I found that Danes were happy to speak English one to one and also in groups for a while, provided you were making an effort to learn the language.
This is opposed to the French, where some years ago, even if you spoke French they would make no effort to help and expected you to embarras yourself in their language.
I have been fortunate to live in many countries and usually make no effort to meet people from the UK but spend my time with those from the country. You learn more, it is more fun and interesting. However I would say that Danes are mostly mini racists. They often denegrate their own country but are so scared of being over run, that they intentionally make it diddifult for foreigners, even within the EU. Good in some ways because they will not tolerate certain muslim and religious practices. But they also make it difficult. Anyone in Copenhagen will notice very few signs to the sights in the city. Hence the number of foreign tourists staring at maps. On my reentry to Denmark I have to leap a number of hurdles not present in other countries, even though I have a daughter and have lived here since 1996.
If you live somewhere, whether for work or not then make an effort. You can alsoway find people from your own country when you need some domestic conversation. Very interested in the boarder check debate though on the other part of this blog.
Just calling it the way I see it.
Suffice to say, I am quite sure that any Dane reading your blog above, would find your attitude less than charming. It seems to me that, despite having chosen to reside there, you have not made the slightest effort to learn Danish and are content instead to coast along on the fact that most Danes speak fluent English.
It’s one thing to be in a country temporarily on contract, with a clear end date in sight (even then, I believe one should make an effort to master a few useful phrases) but when you have chosen to reside there on a indefinite basis (as seem to be the case with you), it is simply (I repeat) arrogant and rude not to attempt to learn the language. The fact that Denmark does not feel to “home” for you is no excuse.
It appears that you treat Denmark as little more than a glorified dormitory, and expect the locals to accommodate you, linguistically at least.
I had a friend who moved to the Netherlands. After a while, her Dutch friends got justifiably irritated at having to converse in English so that she could understand what they were saying (even though all spoke fluent English) and made this known. Instead of bleating self-serving rationalisations, she knuckled down and made an effort to learn Dutch.
I am an immigrant myself, having moved to the UK some 15 years ago. I was fortunate in that I was English speaking, but I realised very quickly that it was for me to make an effort to fit in culturally, not for the natives to fit around me. Had I not been English-speaking, then I would justifiably have been expected to be able to speak English.
I believe strongly that no one should be allowed to immigrate to the UK, unless they can prove that they have at least a decent level of conversational English. This should, I believe, apply equally to migrants from within the EU as without. Otherwise, we risk the development of linguistic ghettoes.
Similarly, despite my current right as a British citizen (as I now am) to live and work elsewhere in the EU (although that will soon change when the UK leaves), I would not dream of doing so unless I had made the effort to learn the local language (and as I am effectively monolingual – something I am not proud of, Ireland is about as far as I can go at the moment).
Just sayin’
Thank you Richard. Very charming.
That should have read: “If you choose to live in a country, you should do the locals the courtesy of making an effort to learn their language (even if most of them happen to speak English).”
If you choose to live in a country, you should do the locals the courtesy of making an effort to learn their language (even if most of them happen to be English). Refusing to do so, and expecting them to converse with each other in your language, in order to accommodate you, is both rude and arrogant.
If living in Denmark makes you feel so uncomfortable, why don’t you just leave. It seems to be that would be a win-win situation both for the Danes and yourself.
I’m not going to be so crass as to suggest that you fit or or f**k off, but you could at least make an effort.
Danish is a very difficult spoken language, for a typical European immigrant working a full-time job, it’s not very useful to attend lessons within the first 6-9 months of arriving. It takes that long to get an ear for the vowels.
It’s also beyond stupid to spend summer evenings in a classroom, when the weather is actually nice. Save that for the autumn, winter and spring.
I’ll be resuming my lessons in September.
(However, I’ve also not encountered any Dane who disagrees with this approach.)
@Hanne – thanks for the comment. Part of the advantage of writing this blog entry has been to show that I am not alone in feeling like this!
@Leon – smoking is mostly banned in enclosed spaces (although not inside rather enclosed places like rail stations). As for the intellectual curiosity of learning Danish – yes, I do have that, and if I could find the right circumstances would learn. But I also find the process of learning languages deeply frustrating, and that doesn’t help (I speak French and German, and some Italian and Swedish, so it’s not as if I am just a monolingual Brit).
@Tove – I think you’re a bit tough. Every country has its own pros and cons. For people with certain values then Denmark may really be some kind of paradise… just not for me, and some others. The social norms in Denmark are very strong, for good and bad, and it’s a question of whether a person wishes to conform to these.
@Puzzled – a relationship is not all there is in life. A person needs more than that.
@Ben – thanks for the thoughtful comment. On your individual points… I understand the one about the flat and place to live, and while that does not – in terms of physical surroundings – affect me to quite the same extent you explain (the place we live is a joint effort), I do nevertheless have this sort of feeling that I am living as an adjunct to someone else’s life.
The language and location thing are more complex for me, and I struggle to work out why I feel the way I do. Through the voluntary work I have done, and later my job, I am lucky to know people all over the place, and have lived in Brussels and London for reasonable periods, and also for a while in Berlin. I hence have a bunch of places where I do not feel like an outsider in the way I do in Copenhagen. The flip side of this is then I have no clear idea of where home actually is, although I seem to be able to tell where it is not. Maybe it is just easier for me in Germanophone or Francophone countries, as I have the language before arriving there, and perhaps adjusting while learning the language makes things hard, as you too found it Ben?
@Jon – a bit of a revelation reading this post. I’ve been living in Spain for 9 years now, I’m married to a Spaniard, I speak the language, I own a flat here – I’m probably more “settled” here than I have been at any point in my life. And yet I still often feel that this is not my home. I do actually enjoy living here and I do want to be here, but that doesn’t stop it feeling like living in the flat your girlfriend bought before you knew her – and it’s still decorated to her tastes.
People can say that you won’t integrate until you learn the language, which is true. But even learning the language doesn’t completely dispel that sense that you are rooted elsewhere. It can sometimes even heighten it. I often feel that when I am expressing myself in Spanish, it’s not really me who’s talking – it’s the Spanish version of me who has had to adapt to suit the words I can use.
Free movement of labour, globalisation, teleworking – they are all giving us the freedom to live and work wherever we want. But I suspect that they will never change the fact that many of us are always going to be inherently ‘from’ somewhere, and that no matter how much we move around, and how much we like being in a place, we will always, deep down, crave that relaxed beer with a good friend back home.
Dear Jon, as I don’t know more about you than what I read on this blog, I don’t really think that it is for me to comment on your personal life. Still, I see a bit of a contradiction between living in Copenhagen “only for personal reasons” and not wanting to be there because “all my work, all my friends, the vast majority of my purpose in life, are elsewhere”. So maybe the problem is rather one of deciding which relevance those “personal reasons” that brought you to Copenhaguen shall have in your overall “purpose in live”?
Dear Jon, of course you know that they are the losers and you are the winner. The Danes are not a cosmopolitan people and never will be. I say this as a Dane married to an American who gave up understanding that insular little nation. No need to blame yourself.
I didn’t love the Danish either when I visited Copenhagen. At least I hoped that they banned smoking, because last time I was there going out was a nightmare because everyone smoke like chimneys and, for the first time in my entire life, my eyes were itchy all night. And I personally found people in general a bit rude, although this might be due to cultural differences. Very handsome people around though haha.
I am, however, surprised that you are not willing to learn Danish: from this entry I understand that your boyfriend / girlfriend is Danish. Even if you understandably don’t wanna stay in Copenhagen forever, don’t you feel the curiosity to learn his mother language?
I think that you aren’t able to think about a nation only visiting their capital city… but about a language it was an ineresting question, thanks)
I cringe at the thought of… No wait. My *knowledge* of what it is like to be a foreigner in Denmark. I am so sorry. And I think that mentality is the main reason why I’ll never feel at home here. I travelled out at a very young age and returned (involuntarily) a few years back. I was shocked. It wasn’t at all the country or the people I’d had in my head for 17 years. I miss London. It’s far from perfect, but at least it’s open and let’s you be who you are with no pressure to fit in. You fit in *because* you’re different and the ground attitude is “let’s try and include this stranger through a common language and see if we can’t benefit each other.”
@Jon: Did you learn Dutch when you used to live in Brussels?
@Till – no, but I speak fluent French. So I at least speak one of the languages of Brussels. Which essentially is better than the situation I face in Copenhagen where there is one language and I do not speak it.
I am sad to hear people’s experiences but I also understand them. I am half danish half Nicaraguan Wich means I am brown. There is a lot of old white people and stupid people often living in the countryside who will be blatantly racist and then be mad at you for telling them they are racist(Just like everywhere else – since you don’t find many of these people in the cities). The danes are a really closed of people I think because there is so much winter, we find the few people we want in our lives and spent time with them. As has been mentioned a lot of us stop going out and being social because you have to follow social norms and drink alcohol and act stupidly(like your on spring break every weekend). So the people you will meet going out are the most confused and boring danes(my opinion as a dane)
The Jantelov also plays a huge part in this, as many of us tend to grow into angry old people because we never tried to follow our dreams or even dared to have dreams. A lot of the people here are mentioning the UK. From my point of view and understanding since I have been to London is that the UK is even worse when it comes to racism in the countryside. The only reason London is a more diverse place to live is because it is a 1000 times more diverse because the UK had a hell of a lot of colonies. Can’t blame the danes for not owning enough other countrys in the past.
I’ve lived in Berlin and loved it. I would never try to judge Denmark from the same view as Berlin because there is almost as many people living in Berlin as in the whole of Denmark. And a third of the population in Berlin are people from all over the world wich creates a whole different culture and dynamic. Denmark can be hard to move to when you have lived in places like new york, london, paris or Berlin, even boring. In Berlin I found out how people should actually treat each other at a workplace – in Denmark people can be extremely mean at a workplace. Which is why I’m educating myself to do creative design in the creative world such as festivals and stuff – just to get colleagues that re more open minded and come from different places.
I dont understand any of you being mad at the tax rate. In one of the lowest paying jobs as a barista I was still payed more in Denmark after paying 34% in taxes than I did paying 10% in taxes while living in Berling having the same job. And why is this? Because our salaries follow the inflation in prices. As a dane I am fucking happy to pay my taxes because that means all of my education, healthcare and even being jobless is covered by the state I live in. Maybe don’t have a mortgage in the UK and then work in Denmark is a solution?!?
I am sorry to all the people who have felt treated differently at a job or socially for being a foreigner. All I can say is not all people in Denmark are great and even tho I like the way the system works I would never move to a small town in Denmark and I would love to leave to follow my dreams in a bigger place.
I guess what I am trying to say is, if you love the big magic diverse cities of the world moving to Denmark will never be your cup of tea.
What a horrible way to treat a guest in your country. You get rude, nasty people everywhere. You should have just told them it is not your intention to make Denmark a permanent home. When I lived in Spain, I knew quite a few people that were keen to move inland and live in the mountains. There are whole villages up there that simply refuse to speak to foreigners or serve them in shops, even if they speak Spanish!
Hi I have read the comments wow yeah denmark I’m here because my gf is Danish. People come off some what cold here like I can’t fit in they don’t speak English. They dont like strangers I think that’s why my gf friends don’t talk to me and they speak some English they talk all in Danish to my gf even her friend that speaks good English. My gf wants to move to USA I’m just waiting for it. I wish denmark was more outgoing but I guess everywhere can’t be.
I have to agree with a lot of what’s said. I did my master’s for 2 years over here as an Indian from Finland and while I have met some good Danish people a lot of the everyday Danes tend to just actively wear their racism, unlike Finn’s who may also have the same view but are embarassed to show it. I expected to love Denmark to a near similar extant as I have come to love the place I grew up in, (Finland). But am intending to leave definitive of the fact that immigrants are not welcome. And believe me I’ve even lived in the Middle East and theyre only better in the sense that they accept the fact that they cannot economically thrive without an international community. Danes however only think we eat out of their pie, and believe offering a place for us is charity rather than recognition of our worth. It’s a real shame, but Denmark just isn’t the country I read about